Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Better living through chemistry

posted Mon, 04 Oct 2004

The chickens have come home to roost. The proof is in the pudding. The pasta is on the butt. Whatever it is, the skirt is tighter after almost two weeks in Italy. But I had gelato only three times! How unfair is that? I think I am one of those people who gains weight just by looking at food. My sister can even attest that I was a huge spoilsport at the cooking class, even not going to dinner a couple of nights. The nights I did sit at the table with everyone, I didn’t clean my plate. I ate the bread only once. I had dessert only once – I even skipped the chocolate soufflĂ©/flan.

Yet the skirt, which fit fine before I left, is still tight. I suspect that shrinking moths might have gotten into my closet in my absence. It could happen.

The good news is that when I saw my doctor this afternoon, he gave me a new drug. I have had these headaches that won’t go away. Dr Light, who is a great guy with really crazy ties, has decided to treat them as migraines, even though I don’t think they are migraines, but my sister gets migraines and my brother gets migraines and I guess I should maybe listen to my doctor. I just want the headaches to go away, no matter what they are called.

He is giving me topamax, which is supposed to prevent the headaches from even happening at all. I asked what the side effects were. I was expecting to hear “weight gain,” because of course there has to be a price to pay for not being in pain.

He rattles through the list on his palm pilot – sleepiness (which is why you take the drug before bedtime), possible depression (as if being in pain a lot were not depressing), dizziness (which I already have, so so what?).

I braced myself for “weight gain.”

He read, “weight loss.”

“You’re kidding!” I said. “I want that one! Let me have that one! I want 20 pounds worth!”

I have NEVER taken a drug that has led to weight loss. I get side effects like weight gain or occasional irregularity or nausea. It’s about time I got one of the good side effects.

“They list that as an adverse side effect?” I asked. “They could use that feature to sell that stuff.”

So I am in a good mood – at least, as good as it can be when my skirt is too tight.

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