Thursday, December 24, 2009

In heaven there is no beer

posted Wed, 02 Feb 2005

I am a little sore today. A lot sore, actually. I tried a new exercise I found in one of my fitness magazines. I am forever on a quest to counter sagging butt syndrome (scientific name “droopius gluteus”). My main reason for exercising is so I can eat, but the secondary one is to look like a supermodel.

OK. I know I will never look like a supermodel, but I would at least like my butt not to reach my knees, at least not while I am standing.

This exercise is a variation of a lunge. You do it with weights in the Smith machine (a weight machine that holds the bar that goes across your shoulders so if you drop it, the machine catches it). You hold the bar with however much weight you want across your shoulders, step forward with one foot, then put your other foot up on the bench behind you. Then you squat down. Switch legs and repeat a gajillion times.

Trust me. It is not as easy as it sounds. But it’s all part of the quest for a body that is not yucky.

There are two schools of thought about women’s bodies and what men think of them.

The Susan theory is that it is best to be naked when a guy arrives to pick you up for a first date. That way, if the chubby thighs are going to be an issue, you can figure it out before you get too attached.

The Anita theory is that you wait until the guy is so attached he doesn’t care what you look like naked.

Nice theory, but doesn’t hold water. The Anita theory was developed by my college roommate, Anita, whose husband, Eric, fell in love with her when they were both in high school. She had a taut, unravaged by gravity, 125-lb 17-year-old body. It’s easy “not to care what she looks like naked” under those conditions.

At 41, it takes a little more work.

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