All those celibate (OK, castrated) moths so that we might have woolens

posted Tue, 24 May 2005

Walgreen’s needs to hire me as a merchandising taxonomist. Maybe my friend Lenore, who is consulting with them right now, can put a bug in their ear. They have no sense of logic about where to place their items.

Remember when I was looking for a flyswatter? I looked in the section containing plastic equipment used for household cleaning.

That’s not where they were. They were by the roach motels and other pesticides, which had a certain logic, although I’m not sure that chemical and mechanical bug killers belonged in the same section. But OK. Put flyswatters there and put them in the common plastic household items.

Today, I sought mothballs. Thinking of my previous experience, I went straight to pesticides. After all, the purpose of naphthalene is to kill moths, or their larvae, right?

Nope. No mothballs.

Maybe by the laundry detergent?

Nope.

I finally had to ask a clerk.

Aisle 8b. Things to hang clothes: hangers, hooks, clothespins.

Excuse me???????

OK, yes, these moth balls are on a hook that can hang in your closet, but the principle of the product is to kill moths – that is, pesticide. Therefore, this product belongs with the other pesticides.

Damn. Where is Linnaeus when you need him?