Chinese water torture for the 21st century

posted Thu, 10 Mar 2005

Is there a nice way to ask someone – someone who works with you and attends your meetings regularly – not to chew gum when she is around you?

No, I didn’t think so, either.

I have been known to chew gum, but I only do it when I am alone or with someone I know very well. And I don’t smack it, ever.
Source: http://www.scs.unr.edu/~sulli_t/pictures/holstein100/holstein.jpg

But I gotta say, it is so disgusting to listen to someone snap and pop chewing gum (open-mouthed) for an entire hour. Shouldn’t a woman of a certain age know better? I try to angle myself so I can’t hear or see her, but as I am the one running the meeting, I need to see and get the involvement of everyone there. It’s not appropriate or productive for me to turn my back – literally – on one of the attendees.

I do have a friend at work I know well enough that when she starts smacking her gum, I tell her to spit it out. Actually, I have cupped my hand and held it under her mouth before, demanding compliance.

“Maggie Sue” insists that she must chew gum to keep from getting bad breath, but I think brushing one’s teeth in the morning and at night, regular visits to the dentist, and avoiding too much coffee and garlic takes care of that problem.

“It's tacky and low class,” I hiss back at her. “Do you want people to think you were raised in a barn?”

But I can’t talk like this to someone I don’t know well. I probably shouldn’t talk like this to anyone, but Maggie Sue and I have that kind of relationship. She tells me when I am being obnoxious and cynical (most of the time) and I hassle her about her gum and make her button her blouse higher so she’s not distracting every male employee within eyeshot.

Maybe this gum problem is one of those opportunities for me to learn tolerance, kind of like when the guy next to me in a long meeting is tap, tap, tapping his pen against the table or cracking his knuckles or clearing his throat repeatedly or sniffing.

Not that I am so good with these opportunities. I have been known to ask for the offending pen and not return it. And to offer a Kleenex to a sniffer. I haven’t figured out how to stop a clearer or a cracker, but I’m working on it.

I, of course, am perfect and have no offensive personal habits.