Sunday, January 31, 2010

I don`t have time to be everywhere

posted Wed, 15 Jun 2005

My friend Susie met this guy online a few weeks ago. For their first meeting – I am not even going to call it a date, she went to his house. She did not consult me beforehand, because I would have advised her against it. I would have told her to meet him in a crowded public place, but that’s because I am convinced that any man who has not been vetted by friends or is somehow otherwise known to you -- work, church, other organization -- is an ax murderer.

She goes to his house and it turns out he is really wealthy. He claims he has never been married. (He also claims it’s really his house.) First red flag. Mid forties – wealthy – and never been married? Better to have been divorced at that age than never married if you ask me. After 40 and never been married for a guy and there’s usually a darn good reason.

Never married – or if he did, it was well after he was 40. I rest my case.

They have a nice evening, then several phone calls over the next week or two. I think they meet for lunch once.

Then he calls her and tells her to be waiting for him at his house that evening.

Without any clothes.


“That’s where you hung up, right?” I say.

“Only after I told him I didn’t appreciate being treated that way,” she sniffed.

Her first mistake was not to insist on being treated properly from the outset, I think. But she never wants men to treat her like a lady – like they are on a date.

Last year, she met a guy in her motorcycle group. He called her up, asked her to dinner, picked her up at her house, took her out, tried to pay (she wouldn’t let him – she never lets men pay for her), then, much to her shock and surprise, “he kissed me!”

“Well, Susie, you were on a date! What did you think would happen when he took you home?”

“That wasn’t a date! We’re just friends from riding!”

I rolled my eyes as I enumerated the points to her. “Susie. He called you. He asked you out. He picked you up. He took you to a restaurant. He tried to pay except stubborn you wouldn’t let him. What exactly about that is not a date to you?”

“Well, I didn’t think it was one!” she sputtered.

She had a point. If both parties do not consider the date to be a date, it’s not a date. It’s that simple.

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