It`s neither the heat nor the humidity

posted Tue, 24 May 2005

Sissies, sissies, sissies. That’s what they are here in M’town. They think the weather is hot and humid here? They don’t know from hot and humid.

Yesterday at the dry cleaners, the man behind me in line was complaining about the weather. Oh, it’s so hot and so humid! he was whining. At 6:00 p.m., it was 86 degrees and 41% humidity. I called him a sissy to his face.

No, my mother did not raise me that way and no, I am not proud of my behavior. But really. I lived in Houston for six years. We would have wept for joy at 41% humidity. 41% humidity is dry.

My first week of college in Houston, I changed clothes three times a day. I was getting soaking wet walking around campus. And this was just moving from San Antonio to Houston. Before that, we were in Panama. You would have thought I would have been accustomed to heat and humidity by the time I got to Houston, but no. Houston is worse than Central America. Hell is just a staging area for Houston as far as I am concerned.

Every May now, I hear the dire warnings. “It’s going to be a bad one.” “Oh, summer’s going to be so awful!”

Yeah. This is while I am still using a quilt and a bedspread at night to keep warm. Even in late June, I will use a light jacket in the morning. I have a space heater under my desk at work. I have used the heat in my house in the past week. We might have a dozen two- or three-day stretches in July and August where it gets above 90 degrees and where the humidity becomes uncomfortable. But that’s it. The rest of the time, it’s very nice.

I have used my air conditioner maybe five times since I moved into my house four years ago. The rest of the time, I use my attic fan. That’s all I need. I have no pity for these people.