La Maja Gordita

posted Tue, 29 Mar 2005

There are two kinds of women in the JCC locker room: modest missies and shameless hussies.

The modest missies go into the shower still wearing their workout clothes and carrying their street clothes with them. They change in the shower because they don’t want anyone to see them nekkid.

I was born out of time. I should have been alive in the era when chubby thighs, a saggy butt, a rounded tummy and a small bosom were the epitome of pulchritude. (Actually, I'd settle for looking like La Maja.)
Source: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3211/2877342751_a4b0a56536.jpg

The shameless hussies – like me – don’t bother to carry anything but shampoo and a towel into the shower because we’re not going to get dressed until our deodorant is dry anyhow, so we parade around the locker room without a care and without our clothes.

This morning, a modest missy emerged from the shower as I was drying my hair under the wall dryer. She wanted to get past me, but was stuck. I could see her hesitation. There wasn’t enough room for her to get past my nekkid hiney! There was only two feet of clearance! What to do! I scooted forward a bit so she would feel safer. Sheesh.

It’s not like my body is so hideous. No one is ever going to pay money to see me without my clothes, but I don’t think I would ever scare anyone away, either, although one guy in college (Mom, stop reading) did say, upon seeing my almost-nekkid body, “You know, you would be cute if you would just lose some weight.” That’s the way to seduce a woman.

I used to torment my freshman-year roommate by walking around nekkid. Linda was a strict Baptist who told me that anyone who wasn’t “saved” was going to hell. I guess that included me, as Catholics don’t get saved.

She used to go into the shower fully clothed. My suitemates and I would see her t-shirt, jeans, and underwear come flying over the top of the shower curtain. When she was done with her ablutions, a hand would emerge to snatch her nightie, then she would step out of the shower, properly covered. Having been raised in a home with three kids and one bathroom and having spent a lot of time of my grandparents’ farm, nudity and other natural functions were not a big deal to me, so it didn’t bother me a bit to be without my clothes. I had fun with that one.