Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Paula Bunyan, baby (bird) killer

posted Sat, 04 Jun 2005

4:30 in the morning on day three of insomnia is probably not the best time to make a mental list of what you are going to do once it is light, but it is too late for regrets now.

But let me say first that arborists are big fat liars.

As in a tree planted in the middle of my yard will kill the flowerbed on the west side of my yard.

Yes, it will. Yes, it did. I suffered for two years. I watched all the foxglove die, then the coneflower, then all the stuff I can’t remember. It all went. Died for lack of sun. Eventually, I gave up. Transplanted what little remained alive and planted grass in the now-rich soil that I had dug, tilled and fertilized. The grass grew quite well, even though it doesn’t match the rest of the yard grass, which is bermuda. I am very, very good at growing grass in places where I want to grow flowers.

But darnit, it just didn’t look right. And then the tree started to kill the flowers I planted in the beds I created on the east side of the yard.

Basta! I said. Enough! I want flowers in my flowerbeds, not grass!

This morning, I got up (well – out of bed – “up” implies I awoke) and started digging. I am going to clear out the grass and plant flowers again. I got about one-third of the bed cleared before the sun got over the big trees to the east.

Then I got my handy little Stanley SharpTooth saw. It only took me about five minutes to cut down the tree. I didn’t even get to yell “timber.” Honestly, I don’t know why lumberjacks have the reputation of being such macho men. It’s not like cutting down a tree is such a hard thing! I’m a girl and I did it in no time at all with a 15”, nine-point saw.

It took me another 15 minutes to cut up the branches and stack them on the sidewalk. I used pruning clippers for that. Lumberjacks. Feh. Lumberjack breakfast? I had a banana smoothie and a diet Coke. Please.

When I got to the inner branches, I saw a nest. I was relieved to see it was empty. But then, as I cleared branches and could see the street, I saw shattered robin’s eggs.

Ooops. That robin that was hopping around in the dirt I had already turned eating the worms and bugs is going to find me and peck my eyes out.

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