Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Making hay

posted Fri, 07 Oct 2005

All week, I prayed for rain. I could lie and say I wanted it for the farmers, but I’m really not that noble. You’d think that I, who broke droughts in three Latin American countries, would still have the power to make rain, but apparently, it works only when I don’t want it, like when I am traveling in Bolivia, Ecuador and, most recently, Paris.

Why did I want rain, you ask?

It would thrill any woman to return home to this sight.

Because my front yard was overgrown and nasty and I did not want to mow it, but neither did I want to incur the further wrath of my neighbors, although I don’t care if my across-the-street neighbors are upset because they leave their trash can on the sidewalk all the time, even though it makes them look like total white trash and they are violating the city ordinance that requires you to not put your trash can out until after 5:00 p.m. the day before trash pickup.

They are trust fund brats who live off his daddy’s money so I guess they don’t care if they get fined. Their next-door neighbors have had to put in double-paned windows because TFBs leave their dog out to bark all night while they (TFBs) party. Next-door neighbors, who have jobs so need their sleep have had to suffer from the noise.

But I digress.

My yard was nasty and overgrown because I left it unattended while I was on vacation. I wanted it to rain not so the grass would grow even more but so I would have a good excuse not to mow it.

But rain it did not, so I was forced to consider mowing. My next hope was that I would return home to a miracle. Unmarried men, listen up because I am about to tell you something important.

Flowers and chocolates are really nice and should not be forgotten, but if you really want to sweep a woman off her feet, mow her lawn.

Yes. Sounds crazy, I know, but you will definitely impress her and get her attention.

There is almost nothing the single woman dreads more at the end of a long day at work than the thought of having to go home and cut the grass. Sure, it was fun for the first year of home ownership, but it has become a pain in the neck now.

If you have time, you can even trim the hedges and paint the trim, but mowing is a good start. You will reap the benefits from this, I promise.

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