Saturday, February 6, 2010

Post-breakup family custody

posted Thu, 30 Jun 2005

After some breakups, there ought to be special post-relationship visitation privileges with each other’s families. These privileges would apply in cases where the relationship ended amicably (well, as amicably as a relationship can end). That is, where the relationship ended with both parties still loving each other but knowing they could never live with each other.

There might be a time requirement, as well. I dated one guy for a few months. I wanted to date him longer just because I liked his family so much. Actually, I was tempted to ask if I could break up with him but keep his family, but didn’t think that would be tactful.

Years ago (like 17), I was ordered by my mother not to bring home another boyfriend unless I was going to keep him. “I am tired of meeting these guys and getting to know and like them and then never getting to see them again,” she said.

But if you’ve dated for say, over three years, I think that the relationships with the families should be allowed to stand. Or, at least, the breakee should be allowed to keep the relationship with the breaker’s family.

It is up to the breakee to decide whether the breaker can keep the relationship with his family, whom the breaker adores. He, after all, is the injured party.

In some long-term relationships, the boyfriend can become much-beloved by the family. When the girlfriend informs her family that she has broken up with said boyfriend, her sister might become very upset with her. “But I love Boyfriend! How could you do that?” In these cases, it is important to inform the family that they are allowed to maintain their friendships with Boyfriend.

The brother has much the same reaction, although not as emotional. The aunt says, “But I thought you were so well matched!” The mother says nothing. She is upset. But you can tell she is not going to allow her daughter to bring home any more boyfriends. Only husbands. Husband.

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