Tuesday, March 23, 2010

And then he threw up the sash


posted Mon, 14 Aug 2006

This morning at boot camp, Tony was talking about the white-water rafting trip a bunch of boot campers had taken this weekend.

Tony: “Y’all know Darnell, that black guy in the 5:30 class with the dreadlocks?” [Because there are so many white guys with dreadlocks in the 5:30 class. But whatever.] “So he brings his friend Rico with him. Well. We’re on the outfitter bus to the putting-in point.”

“We need to pray for Wanda.”
Source: http://www.gulbransen.net/photos/paris/images/58.old-ladies.jpg

Me: “Is that a technical rafting term?”

Tony: “Yes, it is. Darnell is sitting next to me and Rico is across the aisle. He’s leaning forward with his arms wrapped around the seat in front of him. He’s looking green. Now y’all know that for a black man to look green, it’s pretty bad. I turn to Darnell and ask him what’s wrong. He tells me that he and Rico went out drinking the night before. Rico even had a head start! He had a few beers, then a McFlurry, then he and Darnell got down to the heavy drinking.”

Chorus: “A McFlurry!”

Tony: “So Rico Suave, as we called him for the rest of the trip, opens the window and blows. Problem was that the window behind him was open, too, and the teenage girls sitting behind him, who were not part of our trip – well, you can guess what happened.”

Chorus: “Gross!!!”

Tony: “When we stopped for lunch, we gave him a hard time. ‘Hey, Rico! You gonna eat that BBQ sandwich?’ He still wasn’t any better. Well, the men gave him a hard time. The women were all, ‘Oh, Rico, you poor thing!’”

Richard: “Yeah, they want to make him feel better, even though it’s his own stupid fault for getting drunk the night before.”

Tony: “Exactly! It’d be one thing if he had the flu, but he was hungover! Men will cut you to your face when you do something stupid. But women are all sympathetic and sweet.”

Kevin: “Like, ‘Ooooh, Rico, what happened to make you want to drink?’”

Me: “Not always. Women might by sympathetic to men, but they’ll be straight with other women.” I try to think of an example. None come to mind. I am forced to admit the truth. “OK. Women will be sympathetic to your face, but then talk about you behind your back.”

Kevin: “WHICH IS WHY WOMEN CAN BE BACKSTABBING BITCHES!!!!!”

Tony: “Yes! Men will say it right to your face, but women will stab you in the back.”

Me: “Yeah, you’re right. Which is why I’d rather work with men than with women. Men at least let you see them coming with the knife. Women pretend to be your friend while they are stabbing you in the back.”

[Conversation degenerates into chaos]

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