Wednesday, March 17, 2010

And they lived happily ever after

posted Tue, 09 May 2006

I have been indulging and reading women’s porn.

You know – trashy romance novels. Brain candy. I get them at the library. It’s cheaper than going to the movies.

Every good girl wants a bad boy who will be good for only her and every bad boy wants a good girl who will be bad for only him.

I think I’ve written about this before, but I’m not sure. If I can’t remember, I certainly don’t expect you to remember.

I could write this stuff. These books all have the same plot.

The heroine is either an orphan or her mother or her father is dead. In any case, she comes from a dysfunctional, incomplete home. The best case is that she was raised by hippies on a commune – no, wait, many communes – and has now become an rigid, inflexible accountant, craving structure. (But you know that for the right man….)

The hero, too, is often Alone On This Earth. We don’t know much as much about his background. Who are his people? Where did that brave man come from? I wanted to thank him. We do know he has accomplished many brave, dangerous things, because he has Scars that only She Can Heal.

The hero and the heroine meet under some stressful, often traumatic circumstance. Maybe she’s just lost her entire fortune to her cheating accountant and she has been professionally discredited, her career in shambles. Maybe she has been kidnapped and hero has just rescued her. Maybe she has run away from her obligations as First Lady and is traveling across the country incognito and he picks her up when her car is stolen.

They sleep together almost immediately because of their overpowering attraction to each other. They each tell themselves that this means nothing, nothing! but we know they have fallen in love after only three days!

He will somehow have to rescue her – or she may rescue herself. Then, he may immediately realize that he cannot live without her and wants to marry her and have babies with her. (That’s what makes it woman porn instead of regular porn. Regular porn would be if we stopped at the sex. Woman porn is including the marriage and babies after a week.) Sometimes, though, he leaves her cruelly, thinking he doesn’t need this complication in his life, but after a few months without her, realizes he made a huge mistake and comes back to her. She takes him back, of course, but only after making him beg. As she should.

These marriages – made after knowing each other for a week or two – always work out.

The End.

Maybe I should start writing romance novels. How hard can it be?

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