posted Thu, 31 Aug 2006
At the Grand Fish Fry, my sister, Jenny, and I were sitting with our SHs (both our boyfriends are named “SH,” coincidentally) and our mom. Our cousin “Bitsy” came over to talk to us. Bitsy is on her fourth marriage, which, you will find, is germane to the story.
Jenny: You’re not going to lick SH again, are you?
Bitsy, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other: Did that bother you?
Jenny: Well, he’s my boyfriend!
Bitsy: I lick everyone.
Jenny: [rolls eyes]
Bitsy: I’m going to tell you something that no one ever told me.
Jenny: What’s that?
Bitsy: You don’t have to marry someone to sleep with him.
Me [embarrassed laughter – she said this in front of my mother. for crying out loud]: Is that why you’ve been married four times? You’ve been doing it like they do in Hollywood – getting married instead of dating?
Bitsy: Yep. I didn’t know. I didn’t you could just f--- ‘em instead of marrying ‘em.
[Silence as I don’t dare look at my mother, who doesn't even like the word "damn." We've already covered expressing the concept of pre-marital sex in front of my mom. That Bitsy. A class act. She exits stage left but licks each of us on the cheek before she goes.]
The end of the line
11 months ago