Tuesday, March 23, 2010

High roller

posted Fri, 11 Aug 2006

So do you think it was a good move or a bad one that I ate with the fork that I knocked to the floor rather than getting a clean one when I had lunch with Important Networking Person yesterday? I didn’t know about the booger, so I didn’t know I already had a strike against me.

We met at this little Italian dive in the mall downtown – the Italian place where the illegal Mexican immigrants (or maybe Guatemalans – they have Mayan faces) work. There are genuine Italians running the place, but Mayans also work there. Go figure. Except it’s not that much of a mystery, really. Find me a restaurant without illegal Mexican or Central American immigrants and I’ll show you France. They import their illegal immigrants from North Africa.

We each ordered a slice of pizza (it made me think of that great line from “The Devil Wears Prada” – when the original Emily wails, “And you eat carbs!”), I grabbed the plastic silverware, which, technically, should be called plasticware, and we sat at a booth. Then I, in a move designed to impress, gracefully swatted my fork off the table.

I thought about walking across the restaurant to get another fork, but I am so out of practice walking in high heels that I was afraid I might fall. And I was hungry and lazy and really, I was not at all bothered by the idea of using a fork that had spent one point three seconds on the floor. I was bothered at the idea that VINP might be bothered, but I wasn’t bothered by the potential for germs. If my 42, almost 43-year-old immune system can’t take it by now, then I don’t deserve life.

As the fork fell, I whipped around and followed in its wake, grabbing it almost immediately. “It’s actually the five-second rule,” I said coolly, as I blew on it, then wiped it off on my sleeve. The blowing is the most important part. That wind can dislodge the plague.

VINP looked at me, shrugged and said, “Yeah. I’ve got two teenage boys at home. We get a lot of that sort of thing.”

Whew. I’d thrown the dice and come up with seven. Twelve? Whatever is a good roll. I’m not a gambler so I don’t know. I’d earned his respect. Maybe this made up for the booger.

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