Thursday, March 18, 2010

How not to get the job

posted Tue, 23 May 2006

1. When they tell you about the long hours, don’t get excited! Instead, let a look of horror cross your face.
2. When they ask why your job was eliminated, try to explain. Try to tell them that your boss didn’t have a clue about what you did, but do it without trashing your boss or your previous employer, which is impossible, so then back out of that explanation and look like an bitter idiot yourself.
3. Give a real weakness when the dykey, bitchy interviewer asks for one, rather than a made-up weakness that can look like a strength or rather than saying, “Huh! I didn’t know people really asked that question in interviews!”
4. When you see the long line of tiny CUBICLES where everyone works, close your eyes and shudder.
5. Don’t ask for the job. Express no interest in it whatsoever during the interview process. Even in your thank-you notes, say something general like, “It looks like your company is a great place to work!” But be no more gushing than that.

They will get the point. I promise. And you will be guaranteed an email from someone who didn’t even meet you! telling you that “we are continuing our search for additional candidates who will more closely match the requirements of the position.” She will, however, “encourage you to continue to visit our career site for other opportunities.”

Right. Because they loved you.

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