Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It isn`t marriage that`s the triumph of hope over reason, it`s gardening

posted Sun, 06 Aug 2006

This not washing my hair every day thing seems to be working out for me. Today, I got not one but two marriage proposals. One of them was this morning before I had bathed and it was Day Four of Not Washing The Hair. (I decided to really experiment. Three days seems to be the longest I should go, but if my hair is in a ponytail, really, who can tell? In all fairness, Swain #1 had met me first on Saturday when I was still technically in Day Three, so he had already seen me in a more attractive mode.)

I don’t know if it’s the hair that’s doing it. Perhaps it’s just my natural charm. Or maybe I’ve hit a particular market segment that finds me very appealing. Both proposals came from black men in their early 40s. Maybe I’m the kind of white chick these guys have been seeking.

The first came from the Home Depot guy working in the garden department. Yesterday, he was the one summoned to answer the question, was the canna lily I had an annual or a perennial. Another customer and I had already decided it had to be a perennial because – hello! it was a canna lily! – but the cashier insisted that The System showed it as an annual. He called Swain #1 to settle the issue. Swain #1 looked at the container and the brand and said confidently, “It’s an annual.”

“Tell me what kind of flower this is,” I challenged him.

“Ummmm….,” he gulped.

“You don’t know, do you?” I asked. I turned to the cashier. “It’s a canna lily. It’s a perennial.”

So Swain #1 decides he’s my new best friend and collects the cart from behind my car when I’m done loading my zinnias, nicotianas, and canna lilies. That’s fine. Saves me from having to take it to the shopping cart place. He’s nice enough – polite and funny – but doesn’t know a darn thing about gardening, which is why Home Depot has him working in the Garden Center. (See ”Home Depot Game.”)

This morning, I decide I need more flowers. As soon as the store opens, I run back. I haven’t even bathed and I’m wearing my Walgreen's flip-flops, which shows you how un-seriously I’m taking this. Flip-flops in public? I might as well be smacking chewing gum and planning to name my children Tanner and Britney. Hello white trash land. I am also wearing one of my $5 Junior League thrift shop dresses – the one with a 5” rip on the hem. My neighbor Howard said something about the movie “Cool Hand Luke” when he saw it, but I’ve never seen it, so I don’t know what he’s talking about.

So I look like trailer trash, but it’s 8:00 a.m. at the Home Depot on Sunday morning in the Garden Center. Just whom am I going to see anyhow? Run in, run out and be done.

Guess who’s working again? Swain #1. He recognizes me, despite my being on Day Four of no washing. He tells me he knows nothing about flowers (really!) but wants to learn and can he push the shopping cart for me while I shop? Well, everyone has a price and mine is pathetically low. Not to mention I get to talk about something I pretend to know something about while someone else listens. What a deal!

Ha. Turns out he was hitting on me! He compliments my outfit (“Do you always dress so your shoes and dress and toenail polish match? You look great!”), asks if I’m married (“Yes, but the other women your age aren’t pretty”) and goes on and on. I work in that I have my wonderful boyfriend, SH, but he’s not too concerned about that. I say something particularly witty (I just can’t help myself) and he says, “Will you marry me!?”

Proposal number two came this afternoon at the Rice alumni BBQ that I organize every year. My friend “Thomas” was there. He’s a huge flirt and has hit on me as long as I have known him. Maybe he hits on me because I tell him “no.” I don’t think he’s used to that. But he proposed to me at the party this afternoon. I’ve gotten used to it from him. He proposes every time we talk on the phone, too.

What are you going to do? It’s a blessing; it’s a curse.

No comments:

Post a Comment