Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Of course, I just mean to shoot out their tires

posted Thu, 10 Aug 2006

The main reason I support the Second Amendment is that it’s really the only way we’ll ever solve the problem of people who cut in line on the highway.

You know the ones I’m talking about – the drivers who ignore the pleading BIG ORANGE SIGNS 100 yards back that warn “Right lane closed ahead!!!!!! Move over now, you idiots! Right now! We mean it!”

The polite people like me – the planners, the list makers, the ones who never turned in a late paper in college, the ones who never lose their keys – move to the left lane immediately because well, the right lane is closing, isn’t it? We need to be in the left lane silly! Otherwise, we won’t be able to get to our final destination!

And then we notice all the people zooming past us on the right. Not for them waiting in line with the hoi polloi. No, they have places to go! They have things to do! They have cell phone conversations to continue! So they zip to the very end of the right lane, up there to where the arrow flashes and says, “I told you to get into the left lane a hundred yards ago, you moron,” and signal frantically.

And someone always lets them in.

Not me.

Yes, I am one of the mean drivers. I’m one of the punishers – the one who says, “You had your chance an entire football field ago. You could have been merging the entire time but no, you decided you were going to be a LINE CUTTER, which is one of the most un-American things you can do. Not on my watch, bucko.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m supposed to be a Christian and forgiving and all that. Well, Jesus never had to deal with construction traffic. I don’t think he’d turn the other cheek here.

No comments:

Post a Comment