Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Shadow knows

posted Tue, 01 Aug 2006

Look at this face. Is this the face of a – I can barely stand to say it – the face of a last-bite of chocolate stealer?

It is. It is.

She looks sweet, but don’t let that angelic face fool you. Lock up your chocolate.

I brought chocolate bars – Marks & Spencer chocolate bars – back from England to give to my friends. These are special chocolate bars – The Good Chocolate, not the cheap stuff. After lunch, I went to Lindley’s house and gave her a bar of marzipan and a bar of mint truffle. Both are delicious melt in your mouth yummy.

I tested all the flavors while we were in Bristol – I would never inflict crummy chocolate on my friends. That’s just the kind of person I am. I make sacrifices on the behalf of others, no matter how distasteful or arduous. If that chocolate had been bad, it never would have made it to the States. I would have gone through dozens of brands of chocolate, even Cadbury, which is not my favorite, to find just the right stuff for my friends.

So I brought some chocolate back for Lindley and delivered it to her today. “You don’t have to share these with anyone,” I told her emphatically as I slipped the two bars into her hands. I had checked first to make sure her two kids weren’t watching. Moms often get stuck giving the good stuff to their kids and while it’s probably important that children develop their palates, M&Ms is high enough quality chocolate for anyone who hasn’t graduated from high school if you ask me. If they want The Good Chocolate, they can buy it themselves. I didn’t want her kids to see me giving her something and clamoring for her to share it, although really, her kids aren’t too much like that, at least not unless they’ve been hanging out with The Wrong Crowd. They are actually very nice. When Lindley and I were moving stuff out of the attic a few weeks ago, her boy was very helpful and did everything I asked him to do.

But I don’t trust anyone when it comes to The Good Chocolate.

Lindley ate her lunch (I had come from having lunch with another friend) and we talked and then she decided she was still hungry. “I’ll have some of the chocolate you brought me!” she said.

This whole time, the kids had been playing in the other room. As soon as Lindley took the wrapper off the chocolate, it was as if she had blown that little whistle in The Sound of Music -- the one that Christopher Plummer used. They appeared before she had swallowed her first bite. “Can I have some?” they each begged. Lindley, being far nicer than I, allowed them each a bite. Then another bite. Me, I don’t share my chocolate. She took it back and ate some herself. Then her little girl – the seven-year-old you see above – took the bar back. She took one bite, then another bite – then, with an impish look, popped the remainder of the bar into her mouth.

Lindley’s jaw dropped. “You did not do that!” she said. “I cannot believe you just did that! That was so inconsiderate and mean! I want you to go stand in the corner right now. You are in time out. No! You go to your room and stay there!” I think she almost considered making her spit it out. I would have.

She was mad. Her little girl left. Lindley turned to me, laughing in disbelief. “Can you believe that?”

That is why you send the children out of the house before you eat the chocolate, I suppose. It’s definitely why you have male roommates when you are a single adult who can't afford the rent alone. Women roommates will find your (hidden) chocolate and eat it. Men will leave it alone. I never had any problems with male roommates. SH has chocolate in his fridge that’s been there since Christmas. Since Christmas!! And it’s Good Chocolate! OK, I am speaking theoretically here, as no one has ever stolen my chocolate, but I would probably steal it from a roommate, as I have no shame. Women roommates will also wear your clothes without asking. (This has happened to me.) Of course, the most recent woman roommate I had was my friend Rebecca, and she was great. She is going to be my roommate when we are old and everyone else we know is dead. We will run the air conditioner as much as she wants.

Back to the chocolate. This does not bode well for the future of The Good Chocolate chez Lindley. She’s going to have to find a really good hiding place and be more discreet in her eating or her little girl is going to beat her to the end every time.

No comments:

Post a Comment