Monday, March 15, 2010

The shoe is on the other foot

posted Mon, 01 May 2006

SH and I were talking about men’s footwear. “I don’t wear socks with my sandals,” he protested.

“You shouldn’t be wearing sandals at all.” I replied. “No one wants to see a guy’s hairy toes and gnarly heels. Sandals are gross on men.”

My friend Jessica sent me a postcard showing a woman sitting next to a man wearing socks with his sandals. The caption reads, “Outside she was the picture of happiness, but inside her heart was in turmoil – could she really marry a man who wore socks with his sandals?”

“At least I’m not like a friend of mine who wore socks and Birkenstocks on a date to the symphony once,” he said.

“I’ll bet that was the last date!” I answered. Although something like socks and sandals can be fixed with a reasonable guy. Clothing can be adjusted. As Laura pointed out, ugly clothes, like the short-sleeved brown polyester shirt an old boyfriend liked to wear, can get “lost.” Then you just replace them with nice things.

“What am I supposed to wear in the summer with shorts?” he asked me, ever fashion conscious. (He does dress very nicely.)

“Topsiders. That’s what you wear. Not running shoes. Not sandals. Canvas or leather shoes, like Tretorns, or topsiders.”

“Topsiders are out of style,” he told me.

“No they’re not!” I said. (I happen to have topsiders on my feet as we speak! Write.) “They’re a classic!”

“Well, I’ve been wearing sandals for the past four summers,” he said defensively.

“And just how much action have you gotten in that time?” I asked.

He sidestepped the question, but I already knew the answer. “Other guys wear sandals! I don’t see them wearing topsiders.”

“And how much action do you think they’re getting?” I asked.


“Uh-huh,” I said. “Listen to me. Women do not want to see men’s feet! Trust me on this! This is not the way to pick up women.”

I am throwing this debate open to my public. Am I right on this or have I made a grave fashion faux pas? What say you?

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