Tuesday, March 23, 2010

White trash is as white trash does

posted Wed, 09 Aug 2006

White trash – and its synonym, trailer trash – is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with income and everything to do with attitude and action.

My neighbors are white trash. They are rich trust-fund brats who (if I were going to say “bless their hearts,” which I am not, because I dislike them that much, this is where it would go) have no raising. Despite their wealth, they might as well be named Brandon and Brianna, which are among the top five low-education white names, according to the book Freakonomics. Yes, I know I just said that white trash is a state of mind, but they might as well have the names to go with the stereotype.

Their latest trick? They put out some trash that had those white packing peanuts and the peanuts blew all over the place. There are a bunch in my yard and the other yards and have been since Monday. I’ve been waiting to see if Brandon and Brianna will clean up the mess that their trash created before I go out, but so far, nothing. I guess they’ve been too busy with not retrieving their trash can from the sidewalk and with trying to figure out how to park their four cars in their driveway and in front of their house so that their friends then park in front of my house to bother.

I once made the mistake of not putting packing peanuts in a bag before dumping them in the trash can. When the garbage was collected, many of the peanuts blew out of the trash can and into my neighbors’ yards. When I got home from work and realized what had happened, I was mortified. I spent an hour collecting those darn things. They’re not easy to get – when you get close, there is some sort of static electricity that makes them dance away from your fingers. It’s strange, but true.

I know I’m supposed to love my neighbor as myself, but I might have to find another religion that allows you to dislike your neighbors as long as you love strangers you’ve never met and don’t have to live next to.

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