Sunday, April 25, 2010

Eat, drink and be buried

posted Thu, 14 Dec 2006

Me: Lawrence, why are you wearing gloves? It’s gorgeous out here!

Lawrence [my wonderful postman]: Some of these old mailboxes can cut my hands up.

Me: Gee. I’m not allowed to put anything in the mailbox because it’s owned by the post office. Doesn’t that mean the PO should have to maintain it?

Lawrence: Naw. The owner is supposed to maintain it.

Me: So shouldn’t the owner be allowed to put anything she wants into it?

Lawrence: Yeah, I think that rule is kind of stupid myself.

Me: That’s the government, always thinking they know better. Kinda like Tennessee lobbyists wanting to ban smoking everywhere, even in private business.

Lawrence: What’s that all about?

Me: I don’t know. I don’t like cigarette smoke, but if I don’t like the smoke in a restaurant or other business, I don’t have to go there.

Lawrence: That’s right. That’s why there’s “smoking” and “no smoking.” Whatever happened to freedom in this country?

Me: Like that stupid law in Chicago where the restaurants aren’t supposed to sell foie gras or in New York where they’re not allowed to sell trans fat. Why don’t they worry about the guys who are shooting little kids or stealing things? It’s none of their business what I’m putting into my body. They’re not paying my doctor bills.

Lawrence: I know that’s right! Long as they not paying to bury me, they don’t get to tell me what to eat.

Me: You’d think they’d do the math and figure out that the sooner I die, the less social security they have to pay. They should be encouraging people to smoke and eat fat!

Lawrence: If I be paying someone’s social security, I be sending him cigars!

Me: And French fries!

Lawrence: With a brandy chaser!

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