Thursday, April 15, 2010

The sounds of silence

posted Fri, 06 Oct 2006

To all busboys, dishwashers and cooks:

When a customer gets up from her meal, walks past two tables and into the next room to the cooking/dishwashing/smoking section and asks you to turn the music down “a tiny little bit,” she doesn’t mean two and a half decibels. She means turn that nasty crap off. Yes, I know she said “tiny little bit,” but, Hello! We’re in the South! “Tiny little bit” is to “turn that s--- off” as “not my favorite” is to “that stuff tastes like cat vomit.” Get a darn clue.

She doesn’t care that you like it enough to sing to it. All three of you. She means that noise she is being forced to listen to is so bad that her dining experience has become unendurable.

She knows the owner isn’t around because the owner is a middle-aged Korean lady and middle-aged Korean ladies don’t like that nonsense. They’re not in the same demographic as tattooed twentysomething line cooks. If the owner were around, the customer would never have had to ask you to turn the volume down.

Here’s a quick hint: If the “music” you are listening to has been written in the past oh, ten, years, don’t play it at work. You’re going to drive away more than 75% of your potential customers.

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