Sunday, April 18, 2010

They teach us not to pee on our hands

posted Fri, 17 Nov 2006 19:20:15 -0800

I do these things so you don’t have to. You are so lucky.

Just so you know – those orange stains on the underside of your toilet seat – the ones from when that medication stained your urine bright florescent orange (isn’t it funny how quickly that stuff gets into your system?) – you know how you scrub and scrub and scrub them with every chemical you have in your house, including straight bleach, in an attempt to make your toilet sparkling clean sterile white but to no avail?

The solution is to 1) check the underside of the seat immediately and rinse (which of course no one is going to think of in the middle of the night) or 2) convert to this kind of toilet. Or 3) use a public restroom and let someone else worry about it.

Well, scrub no more, because I finally called the toilet seat manufacturer to get the straight skinny on exactly how one removes those medicine stains and I was told right away, no hesitation, nope, can’t do it.

Can’t do it?

No ma’am. There are some medication stains that are impossible to remove.

Might I suggest that you have your scientists work on this problem?

Oh, ma’am, I assure you that they are doing research on new materials all the time to improve the product.

When I got off the phone, I thought, I can’t believe I just called someone to ask about urine stains.

Then I thought, Omigosh, there is someone who spends the day answering phone calls from people like me calling about urine stains.

Then I thought about it some more and realized that there are scientists whose field of research is developing toilet seats that are impervious to urine tainted with staining medication.

Then I wondered even more. How do you get into that field? How does a materials scientist decide, “I think I’ll go into the toilet industry and concentrate on stain resistance?”

Once you’re in that field, what do you talk about at parties when people ask, “So. What do you do?”

How do they get their samples? You know the samples I mean. The samples to test the stain resistance of a material. Does the drug need to be combined with urine? It probably doesn’t have to emerge from a human, at least not in the initial testing stages. They probably have samples they just mix, but where do they get the urine? Do these scientists spend all day guzzling diet Coke or coffee? Do they get a special deal on the drugs? Do the drug companies work together with the toilet companies?

Am I the only person who thinks about these things?

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