Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why I am still an old maid at the age of 43

posted Wed, 01 Nov 2006

Reading the newspaper
SH: Reads the first page, then the sports section, reads the rest of paper throughout the day and maybe the next day. Leaves the read paper in a stack to go to the recycling once a week or so.
CF: Read the entire paper at breakfast or at least before noon, then put it in the trash immediately.

Squeezing a tube
SH: Squeezes carefully from the end and rolls as he goes
CF: Squeeze carelessly from the middle or wherever I feel like. When I am running out of toothpaste or whatever, then start squeezing from the end.

Putting dirty clothes into a laundry basket
SH: Folds dirty clothes before he puts them in the basket. In his defense, his laundry basket is in his bedroom, where it is visible. There’s not room in his closet. Because of his blue shirts.
CF: Toss dirty clothes into basket once they are removed from my body.

Shoe storage
SH: Has shoes lined up neatly in closet.
CF: Some shoes are in the shoe bag, but everyday shoes are strewn carelessly on the bottom of the closet.

Folding clean clothes
SH: Folds his t-shirts beautifully. Folds everything beautifully. He could get a job at Benetton.
CF: Will they fit into the drawer? Can I just mash them in there?

Packing for a trip
SH: Again, fold clothes beautifully. His shirts arrive ready to wear. They look like they came from the store. All they lack is the straight pins.
CF: I buy things that don’t need to be ironed.

SH: Pulls paperboard out from the trash when I throw it away so he can put it in the recycling.
CF: Throw away all paper products with the idea that it will help my chances of having a pension.

Junk mail/ordinary mail
SH: Goes through ordinary mail every couple of days and sorts into “deal with now/deal with later” stacks. The “deal with later” stack sits for weeks. The junk mail is in a stack next to the couch and consists of sales circulars that “might be interesting.”
CF: I have a basket on my desk where I throw bills and real mail. All junk mail goes immediately into my trash can every day. Once I start going through the basket, I deal with it. I pay the bills and answer the letters. (NB: If you are invited to a wedding, complete the RSVP card and send it back to the bride. She’s put a stamp on the envelope for you, even, for pete’s sake. It’s very rude not to respond. They are trying to plan a wedding. Do what your momma taught you.)

SH: Answers the phone every time it rings and explains to solicitors (usually political) why he is not going to give them money.
CF: Only answer the phone if I feel like talking. I always screen my calls.

SH: Speeds. All the time. He even has a radar detector.
CF: I know I will be the one who is caught. I know. That's why I rarely speed and then, only on the highway.

No comments:

Post a Comment