I have to admit I was wrong about this situation. The couple in question has been married for a year and a half now and are expecting their first baby.
posted Sat, 09 Sep 2006
SH’s 26-year-old stepdaughter has been dating her boyfriend for three years. They’ve been living together for a year. She’s getting tired of waiting for him to propose. Apparently, they did not discuss marriage before moving in together. That is, the moving in was not a step toward marriage.
“She needs to move out,” I told SH.
Of course, I have never lived with someone or been married, so what do I know?
“Things are different now,” he said.
“Baloney,” I countered. “Human nature does not change. She’s made a huge strategic mistake by living with him.”
“If she moved out, it would be like she’s breaking up with him.”
“No, it would be like she’s saying she’s not going to live with him unless she’s married to him!”
What motivation does this guy have to marry her if he has all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibilities? Oh – and shall I mention that he was out of work for a while last year? SH doesn’t know if his stepdaughter paid all the living expenses during boyfriend’s unemployment.
I said I hope not, because most women don’t respect a man who doesn’t support himself. Or, better said, most women don’t respect a man they have to support financially. Yes, I know there are certain exceptions – a husband abroad with his employed wife, a husband in school, a husband briefly unemployed – but a boyfriend? Who pays for her boyfriend? A woman asking to be walked all over, that’s who.
“But sometimes things happen!” SH protested.
“After for better or for worse,” I said. “Not before. Once you’re married, then you support each other through thick and thin. But while you’re dating? What self-respecting man would let himself be supported by his girlfriend? I would never let myself be supported by a boyfriend.”
“But they were living together!” SH said.
“And that’s why you don’t live together unless you’re married!” I said. Duh.
The end of the line
2 years ago