Thursday, May 6, 2010

Catching flies

posted Tue, 06 Mar 2007

The scene: The building across from Lindley's office – the one that goes with the car whose alarm is triggered by thunderstorms and trains. It's 5:15.

Me: Who owns the car with the alarm that goes off when the train goes by?

Cleaning lady: I don't know. You could ask them up front at the bank.

Me [after catching guard's attention, shouting through the window because he won't open the door]: Who owns the car with the alarm that goes off when the train goes by?

Guard: ?????

Me [louder]: WHO OWNS THE CAR WITH THE ALARM? Never mind.

I get out my little notebook with the cover that says "My garden kicks ass" (Leigh gave it to me for my birthday) and write, "Who owns the car whose alarm goes off for 30 minutes when the train passes or when it thunders?"

Guard: ???

Me: It's in your lot.

Guard: ???

Me: I don't know which car! The one w/ the alarm!

Guard: ???

Me: I work across the street. I have to hear it.

The guard goes to get someone – maybe one of the tellers who is there until 6:00. She mouths a name and points up. "Dr S. On the second floor"

Me: Dr S?"

She nods. "Do you know him?"

Me:No, but I am sure going to meet him!

I march my booty upstairs, plotting my strategy. A nasty note on the office door? That's always effective.

Curses, though – the office is still open. I peeked in the door – friendly-looking women. Rats. I am forced to be nice when I want to be hostile

Me [in Southern nice]: Does Dr S own the car with the sensitive alarm?

Office lady: Well, his alarm does go off…

Me: I work across the street in the office facing y’all’s parking lot and that alarm seems to go off a lot…

Office lady: Yes, I tried to get to it quickly today.

Me: Do you think you could ask him to reset it so it’s not so sensitive? We would really, really appreciate it if he did. [smile, Southern nice: subtext: “Your boss is such a jerk and you must know it because you’re the one who has to run out and turn off the alarm and don’t tell me I’m the first one who’s complained come on you guys have to have figured this out you’d have to be complete idiots to think this wouldn’t bother people.”]

Office lady: I’ll mention it to him. [subtext: “Oh honey don’t you think I’ve tried I’m the one who has to run out and the one whom everyone gripes to but does he care no he’s too busy putting news tits, asses and faces on rich society ladies to care.”]

Me: Thank you so much! [subtext: “I’ll be back if I hear that darn alarm go off again and next time I’m not stopping with you.”]

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