posted Mon, 19 Feb 2007
And so it came to pass that Spamalot was to be showing at the theater of the Orpheum in Memphis. And The Class Factotum and The Serious Honey wanted to attend, but they turned their pockets inside out and nothing but dust trickled to the ground. They searched high and low, under the pillows on the sofa, in the cracks of the seats of the car, in the far dark corners of the closet, but all that they found was a rotten apple and an old lamp that, when rubbed, yielded a genie who refused to grant any wishes, being a modern genie who didn’t buy into that “fairy tale crap.”
They would have had the moneys to go had the Class Factotum not paid all her moneys to the power company, but that was before she knew she was part of the need part of the formula and not part of the ability. Who knew there were actual benefits to socialism?
So they sat, verily, sad and lonely, recounting to each other the jokes: “I fart in your general direction!” and “A watery tart gives you a sword? That’s not a basis for a form of government!” but it didn’t work. It wasn’t the same.
Then they thought, “Maybe if we go press our noses against the glass and watch the rich peoples as they walk in, we might feel better. Maybe we can be a tiny little part of the Spamalot experience.”
So, yea, they put on their best theatre clothes and went to the place of Spamalot. When they arrived, they found a woman holding two tickets in the air. She was selling the tickets! But the tickets were too expensive for the Class Factotum and the Serious Honey, who had only the pennies they had found in the bottom of the washing machine.
“Fair lady,” they explained, “we cannot pay face value for those front-row seats. $170 is far more than we can afford. But thank you.”
Then they saw a woman holding one ticket in the air. “But we need two,” they said sorrowfully.
As time for the show to start drew closer, they grew sadder and sadder, even though their hearts were lightened by the sight of the girl wearing the shoes of the killer rabbit.
Then the lady with the one ticket said, “Take my ticket. I’m going in.”
“But we cannot pay you,” they said.
“I don’t care. It’s no good to me.”
“Thank you, fair lady!” they exclaimed.
Then the lady with the two tickets, who had seen the fair lady give away one ticket, approached. “How much will you give me for one ticket?” she asked.
“But we want two,” they told her.
“Hmm,” she said.
Serious Honey, who is a math whiz, began to think. He searched his pockets again and found two pieces of bubble gum, a pretty rock, a dollar bill and a marble.
“What if we trade you our one ticket, which is on the fourth row, and everything I have in my pockets, for your two tickets?” he asked.
“Done!” the lady said.
And that is how it came to pass that the Serious Honey and the Class Factotum saw Spamalot on the very front row in the dead center.
The end of the line
2 years ago