posted Sun, 17 Jun 2007
1. The color mix that the lady at the paint counter at Home Depot comes up with after zapping the paint you peeled off the window frame and the bathroom wall under the color spectrometer does not match the formula written on the cans of old paint.
2. The paint she mixes to match the formula (which you wrote down in your little “My Garden Kicks Butt” notebook, but neglected to include the base white color because, hey, isn’t white white?) looks like it matches the samples, but they are only one inch square and you are looking at them with fluorescent Home Depot light, so it’s not good information.
3. When you actually paint the peeling spots in the bathroom and on the bedroom windows, the paint will be so obviously different you will wish you had left it all alone and just knocked $500 off the selling price of your house when you sell it. Or you just might leave the house in a pine box, in which case your heirs can worry about the peeling paint.
4. Then you suspect that the reason the bathroom paint, which was mixed to the formula you had (2 Perm Yellow, 2 Lamp Black, both under the 48), doesn’t match is because Home Depot has changed the color of their base white from HD6411 to EM6411 and we all know that spells trouble.
5. You don’t know why the bedroom paint doesn’t match unless Home Depot has the wrong formula for Sherwin Williams Dove White. (Which is not the same white as you put in your bathroom. Neither color is a stock color; both are custom mixes, which cannot be returned).
6. Then you discover – at 10:00 p.m. because you can’t fall asleep thinking about how you just wasted $20 on paint you can’t use and if this paint doesn’t work, how will you ever find a color that does? – that you a) can open the leftover can of old bathroom paint, even though you gave up earlier because the lid appeared to be rusted to the can, and it’s OK except for all the bits of rust that fall into it, but who cares because they get covered in white paint anyhow and this paint matches and b) you have a bunch of leftover wall paint that you can use for the trim even though the trim is supposed to be semi-gloss and the wall paint is flat.
7. Painting at 10:30 p.m. is not such a good idea because a) it’s way past your bedtime and b) the light isn’t right for finding all the tiny little nicks in the trim you had already primed and painted with the not-quite-the-right-color paint, even if you do wear your glasses.
8. If you are going to touch up the trim and the walls, it’s better just to repaint the whole house.
9. It’s even better not to paint and just not wear your glasses.
The end of the line
11 months ago