Sunday, June 20, 2010

How to make money at the movies

posted Fri, 05 Oct 2007

1. When the reel changes and the new reel is being played upside down, backwards and with no sound, go downstairs and tell the popcorn girl about the malfunction.
2. Return to auditorium.
3. Wait three minutes for movie to be fixed.
4. Return to popcorn stand and tell the next person there (popcorn girl has left) that the movie is being played upside down, backwards and with no sound. Ask him when it will be fixed.
5. Wait for his answer.
6. He doesn’t give one, but original popcorn girl returns. Ask her when the movie will be fixed. She tells you, “The projectionist says there is nothing he can do about it.”
7. Ask her what the heck she means. “Talk to the manager,” she says, and points at an older man.
8. Tell the manager the movie is being played upside, backwards and with no sound and that the projectionist says there is nothing he can do about it.
9. Wait for manager to call projectionist on his walkie-talkie.
10. Watch manager shake his head, roll his eyes and sigh. “Go to Guest Services for a refund,” he tells you.
11. Go downstairs to Guest Services. Tell Guest Server that in addition to the refund, you also want a free pass. “I cain’t do that,” she tells you. When the manager calls her on her walkie-talkie to instruct her to refund ticket money to anyone who complains about auditorium 22, tell her to ask him if she can give me a pass.
12. Collect ticket money and free pass and leave. Decide not to bother returning to see the movie again because it wasn’t that great.

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