Sunday, July 18, 2010

Laundry tip, 13:42-47, 51-53

posted Tue, 06 Nov 2007

Be not ye careless when ye shall toss the substance of the bleaching to rid and abolish the maggots of the dead vermin that remain on the basement floor after the vermin hath been removed to the place where dead vermin go to rot until two days after the next Sabbath for the trash was collected yesterday morning and shall not be collected again until the next Tuesday, for the Monday is a day of remembrance and it is commanded that none who earn their daily bread from taxes shall work on that Monday but all who rely on the voluntary exchange of alms for goods and services shall work on that Monday, but the carcasses of vermin and the remains of other household activities, they will not be collected until Tuesday if thy usual trash day is Monday,

LEST ye scatter the substance on thy own self and cause white spots to appear on thy favorite brown velour (too-tight but they are for lounging in thy home only so none shall lay eyes upon thy abundant butt encased in that velour except thou when thou shall accidentally behold thy butt in the large mirror in the guest room and give a gasp of horror) pants, which spots shall be impossible to remove for verily, they themselves are created by a removing of the very color that resides in the brown velour and all the peoples shall know that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than it is to restore color to a garment that has been rent with the substance of the bleaching.

Be ye warned also that the substance of the bleaching shall not remove the grayish-green spots of unknown provenance from the fluffy bath towels that are white, even shall ye try once, try twice, try three times to apply a mixture that be one half water and one half substance of the bleaching, for the substance of the bleaching works only when ye shall separate thy desire for the bleaching function from the possibility of it coming to pass. Nay, the items to be whitened will not be whitened when ye shall covet such whitening and shall only be whitened when ye do not desire that such a thing come to pass, for thy inheritance is in heaven, not on earth.

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