Friday, August 6, 2010

I just like messing with the TSA

posted Mon, 10 Dec 2007

If they had searched my checked bag today, they would have found

1. A fitted cream-colored bedsheet with a tear in one of the corners (SH asked me to repair it -- he does not have a sewing machine, or so he implies, but there might be one hidden under all the boxes in his office -- xoxo -- mwah! love you, sweetie!)

2. Seven DVDs, including "The Tuskeegee Airmen," "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," ummm -- can't remember the rest, but they are movies SH owns and has already watched and that I intend to watch so that we can finally have an intelligent conversation about something besides pepper or whether farting is a worse faux pas than belching and if it is, how many belches are there to one fart.

3. Some cool presents from the Art vs Craft Fair that I got for my sister and my friend Leigh -- my sister for Christmas and Leigh for always taking me to and picking me up from the airport, thus saving me about $50 a trip.

4. A dog toy shaped like a menorah. SH bought it for his friend Pete's dog. Men are strange.

5. A bunch of celery, three pears, and a dozen clementines. Also, two pounds of cheese and cheese curds and a half a pound of cooked pork tenderloin. The celery is left over from the osso bucco we made this weekend. SH will be home only two days in the next month, so I brought the celery here so it wouldn't be wasted. It now joins the bunch of celery in my refrigerator. Perhaps cream of celery soup? The cheese was liberated from SH's freezer, where it wasn't doing anyone any good and was in danger of falling to the fate of the Bagel from Ought Five. Well, Ought Six, but Jan 2 Ought Six, so this bagel was two years old. It was a leftover from when SH and I were in Pittsburgh for Pete and Julie's party two years ago. We bought bagels on the way out of town and never finished them. Just in case you're curious, sesame bagels do not keep well, even frozen, for two years.

6. SH's light winter coat so he wouldn't have to carry it himself when he comes here this weekend.

7. A stuffed bunny dressed as a granny that I bought at the crafts fair at SH's church as a birthday present for Sophia, who is turning three next week.

8. Peppercorns so we can make steak au poivre when SH gets here on Saturday.

9. A regular-sized deodorant, but no other toiletries. I keep toiletries at SH's house so I don't have to remember what to pack. He sent the regular size deodorant with me so he'd have it for the Big Road Trip of '07. He didn't want to take it with him because then he would have to check his bag. Yes, deodorant can kill you.

10. My clothes and laundry, including my undies, which I am not too thrilled about any stranger seeing.

11. A pair of silk boxers, black with red and green chilis on them, the waist torn away from the body. (The moral is that silk needs to be line-dried.) They are unwearable, but I like the fabric and thought maybe I could make a couple of handkerchiefs from it.

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