Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wasting away again in Margaritaville

posted 01/09/08

What I have done the past few days while SH works:

Go to the YMCA and try different classes, including a Body Pump class, where I suspect that the aerobics version of “More Than A Feeling” is why Brad Delp committed suicide, and a Zumba class, where I wonder where the Latin part of the music is supposed to be when almost all the songs are rappy and in English.

At the Y, the mall and the grocery store, where I Step Away From the Free Donut Holes, look for a parking space where there is 1) no slope and 2) a snowbank at the front so I can park without using the handbrake and without worrying that the car will roll away. At the mall, I discover that even if I leave it in gear, the way SH advised, it will roll some, so the snowbank is very important.

Wonder what there is to eat.

Look for something to clean in SH’s apartment that won’t stress him out. He hates cleaning the bathroom, so I am safe to wash the tub and toilets. When I scrub the kitchen sink and then go for the drain trap, he asks what I am doing. “Cleaning the drain trap,” I answer, thinking, “Well duh!” He tells me he has never cleaned it in the five years he has lived in this place and I tell him that’s obvious.

Wonder what there is to eat, then remember that my loose jeans are too tight.

Buy a gallon of milk, even though we are returning to Memphis on Sunday, because a gallon costs only 45 cents more than half a gallon. Hurry to pour out stale water from sealed water bottles four years old and replace it with milk so I can freeze it before SH sees me and panics that I am throwing away his bottled water, even though he has to empty the bottle before he sticks it in his briefcase and goes through security.

Still wonder what that pink peppercorn chocolate that we got at the wine shop in St Augustine tastes like.

Watch “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway” and “Platinum Weddings” and wonder who spends $80,000 on a wedding when you could pay for a lot of a house that way and still have money left over for a great trip to Spain.

Talk to SH about the stupid new law in California that it is illegal to smoke in a car if there are minors in the car. Does that mean that 16-year-old drivers can’t smoke if they are alone? Agree that it is almost more stupid that California is going to ban hand-held cellphones in cars. Wonder if the California legislature listens to its constituents or if the constituents really want a nanny state. Maybe the legislature thinks the law won’t apply to them, kind of like the Portuguese No-Smoking Czar who was caught smoking in a casino the day after it was made illegal.

Go to the library and read part of “People Magazine,” then look for DVDs to check out. Thanks to the Milwaukee taxpayers, there is no charge for DVDs, unlike Memphis, where although we can afford several bodyguards for the mayor and a brand-new basketball arena, it costs $2 to get a movie from the library, which is twice as much as it costs from Blockbuster. Get several movies, including “The Good Girl,” which is interesting in that there is no one likeable or moral in the entire movie, “Becket,” which was excellent, excellent, excellent, and “This Movie Is Not Yet Rated.” We have yet to watch “Oklahoma,” “Howards End” and “Maria Full of Grace.”

Watch “Extreme Makeover” and wonder why these people all think they need plastic surgery when all they really need is a decent haircut.

Argue with SH about whether every bathroom should have a plunger. He maintains that there should be only one plunger in the house; I say there should be one by every toilet so a guest doesn’t need to go through the embarrassment of asking for one.

Try to sneak some corrugated boxes into the recycling, but I don’t move fast enough and SH intercepts me, saying, “But this is a good box!”

Wonder what the crazy laundry people upstairs can possibly be washing when they do three loads in a row after having done a load every morning and evening since we returned.

Watch the second half of “Sergeant York” and think what a hunk Gary Cooper was.

Think I really need to get a job or a hobby.

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