Sunday, September 19, 2010

Anatomy of a sleepless night

posted 05/21/08

9:45 Turn out lights.

9:50 Can’t breathe. Crap. I don’t want to take any more Sudafed because it dries me up so much.

9:55 Still can’t breathe. When was the last time I was sick, anyhow? Sick enough that I didn’t go to the gym – let’s see – August 1995 for sure. I don’t get sick. I am insulted that my body would betray me like this. I might as well not exercise, not eat right and not get enough rest if I am going to get sick anyhow.

10:00 Surrender. Take one tablet of Walgreen’s version of Nyquil. Read “Women’s Health” for the next half hour waiting for the low dose of Sudafed to take effect. Stupid magazine. It’s gotten crass and dumb. I’m going to cancel my subscription. I really don’t need to see “WTF?!!!”s scattered in reading material I have paid for. Yes, I know I am officially a grouchy old lady, but honestly, if you’re a good writer, you don’t need to resort to cheap tricks like cussing. Bill Cosby is one of the funniest guys around and he's clean.

10:25 Turn out lights. Again.

10:40 Waiting. Waiting. Good thing I didn’t make that chocolate latte this afternoon. I’d be buzzed just from the caffeine. But I think I’ll need it tomorrow.

10:42 What if SH's plane crashes? That would be so awful. If it did, I'm pretty sure Imelda would be calling me the next day to demand that I pay her alimony and COBRA out of his estate because she didn't care what the divorce agreement said. She would also probably want me to do all the work getting the life insurance paid to her. Now I'm mad. She can't even express condolences?

2:00 Wake up. Not congested so much but now nasal tissues dry and sore. Take aspirin and drink an entire glass of water, which is its own sentence to be up again in an hour.

2:30 Can’t fall asleep. I should probably not have children if I am turned into such a whimpering mess at the midpoint of a night with only a little sleep.

2:47 Fall asleep, then wake self up immediately with loud snore. So embarrassing. Good thing SH is in Arizona.

3:32 Jerked awake by shrill beep. Smoke alarm battery? Will it continue? Could it somehow be the crazy laundry people, finding new ways to torment me?

3:58 Sniffle sniffle sniffle. Not blowable. Too sticky in the back of the throat. Sudafed has worn off, but I don’t want to take any more.

5:27 Sun rises. I notice.

5:45 Massive headache. Take more aspirin, but only a handful of water from the sink to swallow because I don’t want to wake all the way up by going into the kitchen for a glass.

6:02 Crazy laundry people flush toilet.

6:04 Crazy laundry people running ladders in their bedroom.

6:45 Surrender. It’s going to be a long, caffeine-filled day.

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