Alex: Ms Factotum, this is Alex from JPMorgan. Would you please confirm for this recorded phone call your old address?
Me: I sent you a letter asking you to change my address.
Alex: Yes, but I need to confirm it on this recorded call.
Me: You realize there are many companies that let me do this online.
Alex: I understand. But I need you to confirm your old address and birthday.
Me: My old address is 123 Main.
Alex: I need the full address.
Me: Oh good grief. My old address is blah blah blah. My new address is blah blah blah.
Alex: I don’t need the new address, but I do need your birthday.
Me: For pete’s sake. 10/19/63.
Alex: I’ll be sending you a form to complete verifying your old and your new address.
Me: You mean my letter and a recorded phone call are not enough?
Alex: I need to send you the form.
Me: That’s fine. I have a pension with a paper company. Y’all just keep using paper. It’s more money for me.
The end of the line
11 months ago