Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thursday rant

posted 07/31/08

Two things:

1. Stop calling your breasts “the girls.” It sounds stupid and juvenile. Do men call their testicles “the boys?” Maybe they do and I haven’t heard it, but either way, what’s wrong with “breasts?” Or any of the traditional nicknames like boobies or bazoombas or titties? Are they still “the girls” when you are 90? Or do they then become “the saggy old ladies?” “The girls” has no connection to the actual word and just sounds plain idiotic, so please stop.

2. Is it tacky to have a cash bar at an event you are hosting? Suppose you throw a party (a wedding reception, perhaps). You can either offer beer and wine and invite an extra 50 friends or you can cut those friends and include hard liquor. Or, you can include the friends and the liquor if you have a cash bar.

My feeling is that you entertain at the level you can afford and that your guests graciously accept that level of hospitality. Someone who shall go unnamed but who lives in the same house I do says what about the people who want tequila or scotch when they are out?

Sorry. If you can’t go one evening without a gin and tonic, then you have a problem that's not mine to solve. We don’t offer cash dessert bars to those who might hate, hate, hate with the heat of a thousand white suns the bananas foster that are being offered as a dessert.

We don’t say, “If you don’t like the food we are serving for supper, you are welcome to step over to the corner where we have set up a cash short-order cook to make you a hamburger or a grilled-cheese sandwich.” Yes, a host should consider a guest’s dietary restrictions (although if the mere whiff of a peanut will kill you, then please do the rest of us a favor and stay home), but the desire for liquor instead of wine or beer (or any alcohol at all if the hosts cannot afford to offer it) does not fall into that category.

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