Monday, December 20, 2010

Fighting The Man

posted 09/30/08

The moral of the story is if you try to make your maiden name your middle name because you have never liked your middle name (sorry, Big Factotum), the DMV will look at the document from the social security office (the best-run office of all the government agencies I had to visit yesterday -- don't even get me started on how INEFFICIENT the MILWAUKEE COUNTY government process for getting marriage licenses and certificates is and how the lady who does the initial intake at the Recorder of Deeds for the county is rude and cranky and should be fired and would be if she worked for Starbucks but she won't because she's a government employee, which is code for tenure) and misinterpret and put your maiden name as your last name (ie, instead of becoming Class Facotum Honey, with Factotum as the middle name, they decide that Factotum is the last name), which means when you register to vote, they tell you your last name is Factotum and should the Honey be "-Honey" or is it even part of your name and you say, No, don't you see I signed "Class Honey" and that's my new name, I'm not a hyphenator sheesh I'm not a Lutheran minister and here's my marriage certificate and they say, But the paper from the DMV (no, they wouldn't give me my actual license yesterday because you know, I could be an Illinois resident claiming Wisconsin residency and committing welfare fraud, instead, they gave me a receipt and promised to mail the license) says your last name is "Factotum", so you have to call the DMV and they say So sorry, we can't do anything over the phone, you'll have to go back to the DMV, which is a punishment almost worse than death because let me tell you, the DMV has a cross-section of citizenry that makes one wonder if suffrage really should be a universal right, so after fighting and raging and pitching a fit, you return to the DMV with your hair wet and a ticked-off expression (after, of course, returning to the SS office to get your maiden name removed altogether from your Official Record), where they will not correct the license for which they photographed you and your carefully-blown-dry hair and made-up face yesterday but make you get an entirely new license with a new photo, so you will end up looking like crap and will for the next three years. (I lost the grammar somewhere in this.)

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