Me [staring at my butt in the mirror]: Oh man. These jeans used to be the baggy, hang out in the house jeans. Now they are getting tight.
Me: That means I'm gaining weight and my butt is getting even bigger.
SH: I'm an ass man. If your booty gets bigger, that's fine with me.
Me [grabbing love handles]: And what about this?
SH: That's your Milwaukee Roll. Just start drinking beer so you have a good reason to have one.