Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Let them eat salad

posted 11/10/08

Y’all, I am trying really hard not to mock this, because really, what’s it to me what someone else eats or doesn’t eat? Who cares if someone wants to be a vegan and shun honey, butter and eggs? It’s just more for the rest of us, right? I have many vegetarian friends and they are just fine with me because I don’t have to feed them steak or the good bacon. The less of the good stuff that I have to share, the better. I am more than happy to make an omelet for a vegetarian while SH grills two fabulous steaks for us. Eggs are way less expensive than meat.

But I have to say that this notice on the library bulletin board promoting a “Vegan Thanksgiving Feast” made me laugh. Never having seen the words “vegan” and “feast” used that closely together, I was compelled to do some research. Bless their sincere hearts (and I mean that), they have only plant-based foods at this event (“The Feast consists of a buffet offering a sliced turkey substitute, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and chili”), having made the transition from vegetarian to vegan recently:

The last few years this event was on as a vegetarian event, this problem had been made less difficult by the introduction of color-coded clothes pins. All dishes containing dairy, eggs or honey would get their own color clothes pin. Green would be used for raw dishes. And three years ago, I couldn't have been happier when they made this event an all-vegan event. The only clothes pins that are left from the old system are the green ones.

I can make a good vegetarian meal. Ask Harpo, Bruce or Leigh. I rock with the Spanish tortilla, the fried-egg and buttered bread crumbs pasta, and the macaroni and cheese. The dilemma, of course, is how you get a decent meal without dairy (ie, butter, lard, cheese or cream), eggs or honey. OK, the honey I can do without, but how do you get good mashed potatoes or gravy without animal products? What kind of gravy can you make without either meat broth or milk? How do you make a good brownie without butter or eggs? Or pumpkin pie? Sweet potato casserole? Corn casserole? It’s just not possible. Maybe that’s why there are no fat people in the photos: no one wants to eat more than the bare minimum to sustain life.

Perhaps it’s this lousy diet that makes vegans cranky enough to want to ban hunting for other people (can’t the hunters’ motto be, “Against hunting? Then don’t shoot”) and change Wisconsin’s slogan (although perhaps the slogan should be “We have lost all notion of self reliance and want the government to take care of us and to tell us what we are allowed to put into our bodies,” given Wisconsin’s vote in the recent election and the climate in Madison re smoking in private property like bars):

We're not able to stop the hunting just yet or make our state slogan something else than America's Dairyland

Fortunately, given their diet, they will never have the strength to fight us egg and cheese eaters. Celery just doesn’t give you that much fuel.

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